I know this is irrational and probably linked in some way to the fact that it's 6:45 in the morning - but I have had these fears and strange thoughts lately. Things like "if I were to die right now, what would happen?" Is this normal? Does everyone think things like this

Work has been extremely busy in the past few weeks and I've been in early, out late and working on weekends. It's just for a few months while my company merges with two other companies and we make a transition to a new building. Meanwhile, I have a hefty number of new people and customers to support (hardware/software support, as well as maintenance). I also have a whole new set of "rules" to follow - even though my company is the one that bought the other two companies... we have decided to follow their rules. This includes new policies for being late/leaving early. I feel like I am back in elementary school. If we're more than 11 minutes late in the morning, it gets marked down on our record. If we get 12 of these marks in any rolling 12 month period, we get fired. No excuses. Traffic, kids, illness,etc. It doesn't matter. My co-worker (one of the smartest and most efficient people I know)once called in one morning to say he wasn't feeling well and couldn't make it in that morning. He was sick, but decided to come in anyway, 3 hours after he was supposed to be here. He got a mark on his record. He could have just called in and taken the entire day off with the same result - but he came in!!! What's the point?

All of this to say that I feel like these thoughts I'm having are related to work and the pressures (self-imposed or not) of being here, trying to do a good job. I just don't ever want to miss something important in my life due to something so unimportant as work. What if I got up early this morning, came in to get a jump-start on my day and then something happened to Amanda? How good would I feel about myself if I rushed out of the house because my "job" was so important to me and now something terrible has happened to my wife? OK - now that it's written out, it doesn't make any sense to me either. The point is - I need to find a balance between what is important in my life and my job. Because when it comes down to it - my job is just not that important. Sure, it pays the bills and I'm learning an incredible amount of information - but it's not what I live for. I could (possibly) find a job anytime.... we'll just ignore the fact that I quit my last job and then was out of work for FOUR months - and I only got this job out of pure luck. Alright this seems like a good place to end, seeing as how I've lost track of my point repeatedly.

previous - next

duh - 2008-09-15

hi mac - 2006-12-12

corporate whore - 2006-11-03

new - 2006-10-05

elvis costello sings for you - 2006-09-27

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