It's raining.

I really like it when it rains, but it's been raining for the past 2 days with no end in sight. I also really like the rain when I can be at home, nowhere to go and nothing to do. Not when I am at work and woke up too late to make a lunch and so I had to go out in the rain and spend money to buy food I don't really like.

I like rainy Saturdays. The lazy ones. The ones where you can listen to good music and sit around doing nothing but have it feel so good to be unproductive. I miss those.

When I first met Amanda I had a great apartment. It was too damn expensive for the (they promised) 600 sq feet. I think it was really only 6. But that's not the point. The point is, I was too poor to have cable, and for a long time I didn't even own a TV. The only thing I had was the stereo. And I was also too cheap to use the electricity for fear of going broke, so I didn't use the lights (or the heat, but that's a whole other story. To all the fish who froze to death: I am sorry.) Amanda and I would sit around just talking. And listening to good and sometimes great music. Every day felt like a mini vacation - it was great. So I am trying to figure out how to get those days back. Or at least get myself back into that mode where nothing mattered but the important stuff.

I am beginning to think that all the pressure I feel to get stuff done is really just self-imposed. Like maybe I'm the only one who thinks I should be doing things differently. I was fine back then. Back in the day. Sure I was stressed and overworked and underpaid, but it didn't grind on me and wear me down so much. I got into some kind of contest with a fictional competitor, and I'm losing. To a fictional competitor. That's sad. But it's good to know that it's nothing I can't get out of.

The rain does this to me. It puts me in that quiet mode, forces me to think. The good news is, it also helps me sleep. In fact, the worse the storm, the better I sleep. A few years back, when I was in that apartment, we had 2 tornadoes come through the area. Only a few miles from my building. I woke up in the morning and saw construction materials all around the complex, dodging them in the road as I drove out to go to work. The whole time thinking to myself, "Those stupid construction people really left their shit everywhere. What the fuck are they thinking?" Then I found out about the tornadoes. I slept well that night.

I imagine I'll sleep well again tonight. The plan is to go home, make coffee, just sit and enjoy it.

previous - next

duh - 2008-09-15

hi mac - 2006-12-12

corporate whore - 2006-11-03

new - 2006-10-05

elvis costello sings for you - 2006-09-27

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