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2002-10-03 - 8:53 a.m.

urine, guns and work

Well, I've been fucked again. And not in that good way either.

I came in to work this morning, busting my ass to get here early, ready for a meeting that was planned at 8:30am between me, my manager and some of the sales vp's. The point of this meeting was going to be how completely overwhelmed my schedule is. I had some great thoughts to throw their way, and I actually felt like I had my manager in my corner, ready to help me fight.

8:30 came. 8:30 went. It's now 8:56 and my manager just walked into the building. The other people who were invited to the meeting have gone to a different meeting. It's only taken 3 months to get this set up, I guess I can wait another 3 months for a second meeting. But I think they should be aware that the waiting period for a gun in this state is only 5 days. I think I'll consider that "planning time". I just kidding - I don't really believe in guns. The last gun I shot was an air-powered bb gun. My brother killed a squirrel that was on our roof. He immediately dropped the gun and ran inside the house, demanding that we call 911 and rescue the creature. That about did it for me. Despite the fact that these creatures are less valuable than a squirrel, I cannot bring myself to go completely postal on them.

Tuesday I almost lost it. Someone was going to get a laptop shoved down their throat. I was going crazy and felt lucky when I realized it was time for me to go on a customer call. Get the fuck out of the building for a while. I was going to have to drive across the state, about 4 hours in all, but I didn't really mind. The trip down was almost uneventful until I was 10 miles outside the city I was visiting. I got a call from Marie - the dumbass who says "if it's God's will, I will call you back" on her voicemail. She said that my manager had told her to call me and say that no matter where I was or what I was doing, I needed to turn around and come back to the office. I actually pulled off the highway, sat there, thought about it and then called her back.

ME: "Does he realize I am at least four hours away?"

DUMBASS: "No, I don't think he does. I'll go tell him."

I had to talk with her because part of the "emergency" we had was ALL of our lines (voice, data) were cut by the brainiac power company doing work outside our building. I couldn't reach my manager by a land line, and cell phones don't get a signal inside this penitentiary we call an office. So I decided to go ahead and make my appointment.

Then it hit me. The greatest idea I've had in a while. I was going to find this place, install the machine and software, then get back home that night - instead of staying in a hotel and going to the appointment in the morning. That way I could get my work done, and be home by 10 or 11 and have an easy day on Wednesday.

The appointment was hell. It was in a nursing home. Urine. Old people. Urine. I had to drive through a locked gate to get around to the back of the building. While I was in there, the person with the key to the gate went home. And locked the gate on her way out. It took me half an hour to find someone with a key. I figure God was punishing me for having bad thoughts about all the crusty old people. Once I left I was nearly witness to a drunk guy getting run over by a semi. There was smoke everywhere from the tires grinding into the road as he slammed on his brakes to avoid the idiot who thought he'd just stroll across the 5 lanes of traffic. Bottle in hand. I felt I had made the right decision to head back home, even if it did mean four more hours in the car.

When I drove into the city I saw a great sign, and it may have been designed especially for me. There's a huge "Panasonic" lighted sign that you can see from miles away as you enter the city from the south. Only, that night the middle letters were missing. So it read:

"PANIC"

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duh - 2008-09-15

hi mac - 2006-12-12

corporate whore - 2006-11-03

new - 2006-10-05

elvis costello sings for you - 2006-09-27


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