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2002-10-28 - 3:09 p.m.

in the end it doesn't even matter

I'm not sure what's wrong with me lately. I am completely unmotivated to do much more than lay on the couch and read or watch tv.

Take today for example.

I had to go visit two customers, one was from Friday that I didn't get to go see because of the wiper fiasco. I decided that I could sleep in a bit since I was going there straight from my house. "Sleeping in" means that I got up at 6:30 instead of 5:30. That's pretty normal for me. But once I was up, I couldn't even get motivated to get into the shower. I just sat there watching TV. I saw how I can "sleep away the pounds", watched a bunch of freaks do yoga, and my jaw dropped in amazement when I landed on the Today show and they were doing an update on J-B Ramsey!! WTF? I thought she got killed like 5 years ago and everyone knows her parents did it. The point is - it got to be about 8:15 before I got off my ass and went to take a shower. I managed to leave the house by 9.

I saw both customers, and made it back to the office by 3pm. And now I'm just sitting here going, "I can't believe it's only 3!" I don't want to answer the phone. I don't want to go fix things for people. I don't want to do much but go to sleep. Maybe it's the time change. Maybe it's the fact that yet another weekend is gone and I feel like I did nothing with it. Two whole days and I manage to do nothing productive with either of them. Although I can't complain a lot - Amanda and I had a great time lake-hopping on Sunday. We were looking for things to feed old bread to, and the best we came up with was a couple of turtles and some picky fish. No ducks. The only ducks we found were guarded by a "Feeding Wildlife Prohibited" sign. Amanda wanted to feed them still, but I chickened out - so we just sat and watched them for a little while.

That was the best part of the weekend. Just sitting. With Amanda. Everything was quiet and I felt like I could think clearly for once. I didn't think about work, my cell phone didn't ring. No TV. Just us sitting and talking about nothing in particular. It sort of reminded me of when I was a kid and the biggest problem of the day was figuring out where to go play next. You had no idea the world held the demons it does. There was no mortgage company; if you didn't feed your pets, your parents would; and you still thought you had it rough despite all this.

Here's to the three day work week. If I can make it two more days, I'll be fine. Maybe Amanda and I can visit the lake again while I'm off.

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