2002-11-05 - 7:57 a.m.
the news
Well - let's see... what should I talk about here today? The weather? The elections? The fact that I'm going to be a FATHER?
Yes that's right - in case you read my wife's diary (see What I Read below) you know already the good news. I thought we weren't going to make it official by writing about it yet - I was making an attempt at being thoughtful. But I hadn't considered the fact that Amanda is incredibly nervousanxiousscared and would need to write about it. Makes sense.
So - if it matters at all, I'm going to share a few thoughts on how I feel. I AM SCARED AS HELL! It was all nice to talk about wanting a family and becoming a father and saying how cute Curren is and how great it must all be. But now I am not so sure of all my answers. I'm not so sure of myself. I'm not so sure I'm done being the baby - getting taken care of all the time by a wife who has the amazing ability to focus solely on me - having to now be responsible.
I am incredibly happy. I can't wait - all of a sudden it's like Christmas and I'm a little kid. It can't possibly get here fast enough. I want the kid here now - it's too difficult for me to concentrate on other things when I've got much bigger responsibilities on the way. "How can you expect me to fix your LCD when I'm going to be a Dad? ... I've got more important things on my mind!"
Dumb, I know. But the world really should stop for Amanda and I. This is big to us.
I've also realized that our house is not: big enough, safe enough, clean enough. And there are cats. Three of them. The filthy little shit-machines. I came home the other day and there was cat shit on the door AT EYE LEVEL WITH ME directly across from the litter box. What the fuck are they doing in there? And how can I bring a child into that? Sure, they're cute and cuddly some of the time, but really they're just a huge pain in the ass.
And there are no good books for "Fathers-to-be-who-really-want-to-be-and-want-to-take-part-in-the-entire-process-as-much-as-humanly-possible". There are a few books aimed only at the father. They have a few things in common. First and foremost they are incredibly tiny. It's like a tiny set of "Golden Books" for dads-to-be. They are almost written in a "Choose your own adventure" sort of way. "If you want to do Thing A, turn to page 7. If you want to know about Bodily Process B, turn to page 10." I'm not a fucking idiot, you can write the book as if it were going to be read by an adult. And I'm going to burn the next book I find that says "You will just have to get used to not being able to see the entire game on TV ever again." As if that shit is more important than the FUCKING LIFE YOU JUST CREATED!!!! The lousiest book was one that had each chapter devoted to teaching the male how to "get out of" having to do practically anything for or with the child. Things like how to avoid changing the child by doing it just wrong enough to make your wife never want you to do it again. It's insane.
So that's pretty much it for now. We've go a long way to go yet - and I've got to get started!
duh - 2008-09-15
hi mac - 2006-12-12
corporate whore - 2006-11-03
new - 2006-10-05
elvis costello sings for you - 2006-09-27
What I Read(for fun and amusement)
HERE
