I'm not quite sure where to even begin.

Maybe a little background.

Several months ago, we hired this new sales rep. Just like any other rep he had his problems, his computer "emergencies", but for the most part - he was a really nice guy. Each time I saw him he had a smile on his face and friendly words to say. He was easy to work with and one of the few reps I didn't mind calling me or stopping by for me to help resolve an issue.

Once we moved to our new facility, I didn't see hime quite as much as I used to. He was still around and still needed my help from time to time. All up until one day when I walked in to work and found his machine sitting on my desk. I asked Travis if it was in need of repair or something, to which he replied, "Nope. It works just fine. Mark walked in here this morning, went to his boss and said 'I can't do this anymore. It's just not the type of thing that makes me feel comfortable - I quit.'"

I was astounded. I was impressed. I wanted to call Mark and say, "Congratulations! I always knew you were one of the smart ones!!" But instead I just let it go, figuring he was on to bigger and better things with his life.

Then, out of nowhere, I get a call on my cell phone from him. He left a message, not saying too much, but that he would like me to give him a call. Because it was Mark, I decided to call him back. When we finally got in touch, he quickly said something about a job, and if I was still unhappy where I am that he'd like to talk to me about this opportunity. In my head - he had found a job for himself and his company was in need of some IT support or he had ideas of starting a company and thought I might be interested in providing the technical support for it. I agreed to meet him.

The meeting took place last night. I'm still trying to shake off the shock and horror of it all.

I should have known something was up when he walked in with a suit on (at 8 o'clock at night) and was carrying a small notebook - the trapper keeper kind that you took with you to elementary school to keep your artwork and handwriting assignments in. The kind that today have Brittney or Michael Jordan or some such idol. This one was just black. As proper as you can get if you're a business man and still want to carry one.

He went to get some coffee and laid the notebook down on the table as he left. I sat there, looking at the notebook and trying to ignore the uneasy feeling that was beginning to churn. I thought to myself, "If this is some kind of scam....naaaahh. Not Mark." He returned and we exchanged pleasantries; work, life, wife, kids.

Then it began. I felt like I was on an info-mercial. Tony Robbins or Suze Orman was waiting just out of sight, ready to pounce on me at any moment.... "Are you happy with your life? Is what you want just out of reach? Could you achieve your goals and dreams if only you had more money? Do you really want to work for the next fifty+ years and still have to rely on the government and the kindness of family to support you?"

OH MY FUCKING GOD! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME! YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DRAGGED ME OUT HERE IN THE HOPES OF ADVANCING MY CAREER ONLY TO TRY TO SELL ME SOME FUCKING SNAKE OIL!

The worst thing of all? He thought of me to do this to. What the hell did I ever do to make him think I was a worthy candidate for his sack of shit? What makes him think that I believe that if I can only find 6 people to share this with, I can profit to the tune of $250,000 a year? What makes him think I want a "different lifestyle" with boats and private jets and shit? What if I'm happy with my insignificant life and happy not swindling people?

The only thing that made me keep my ass in the chair listening to this garbage was the fact that I still thought he was a nice guy. In my head, this was the guy I had known a few months ago to be so upstanding that he quit a shitty sales job because of seemingly high moral standards. That, and I was sort of interested in finding out what can possibly lead to such a decline in values and ethics that would lead such a person to call someone they really only barely knew in order to pitch a load of horse dookey and see if they swallow.

What I ended up telling him is that I just didn't think this was something for me - I am not the kind of person to try to get lots of people to invest in any way for any reason - I'm not quite the "people-person" he apparently thought I was.

He scared me. The look in his eye was more than unnerving. I expected him at any moment to say, "Next year I'm going to make a batch of jello pudding and get some new sneakers so I can join my bretheren on the space ship."

What a fucking moron.

All this time I'm getting excited because of an "opportunity". All this time.

PLUS - I've been waiting for over a month now to watch "Taken" on the sci-fi channel and when I got home I couldn't even calm down enough to catch the premier. We had to record it so that I could wash off the shame and stench by purging the events of the evening to the poor and unsuspecting ears of my dear wife. She's a trooper - didn't make fun of me or anything.

previous - next

duh - 2008-09-15

hi mac - 2006-12-12

corporate whore - 2006-11-03

new - 2006-10-05

elvis costello sings for you - 2006-09-27

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