Tonight we go to our first "Child Birthing" class. From what I read, there's apparently all sorts of ways to make the kid come out of Amanda. She can sit, squat, kneel, lay flat, stand, be knocked out for a C-section, give birth in water, no drugs, lots of drugs, at home or in the hospital, hypnotize herself, and on and on and on....

We're going for the hospital and drugs. Also on the agenda for today: we're interviewing a potential pediatrician. I'm not quite sure what to ask...

"Do you enjoy a bit of crack or heroin in the mornings?"

"Have you ever been convicted of murder? Ever not been convicted, just gotten away with it?"

The books say I should ask about the pediatrician's "plan for care" during the first year of my child's life. This raises two important questions for me:

1. Is it only the first year that counts?

2. How different can the "plans for care" be? I mean, it might be a different story if I was highly religious, had deep cultural beliefs, etc. But I don't. Amanda and I have chosen a doctor out of the provider manual given to us by our insurance. I don't see the big deal. What it might come down to is personality. Not to make it sound like a beauty pageant, but as long as the doctor gives my son the shots he needs, can see him when he needs to be seen and seems realtively well informed, I don't have a problem.

Meanwhile, I continue to be astounded by Aron Ralston, the guy who amputated his own arm. I told Amanda I would have just had to die. Maybe if I had a chain saw or something, but he did it with a pocket knife. I can't even handle paper cuts.

Ooohhh! I almost forgot. I had another run-in with the guy who chastized me about my choice of daycare centers. He was in the breakroom when I went to get some water the other day. He asked me how Amanda was doing, if the baby's room was finished, etc. He said something about a changing table. I wasn't about to mention the fact that we had already decided not to buy one. I knew what would happen if I volunteered that information. Someone else who was in the room innocently asked me though,

"so, are you guys gonna get a changing table?"

I had to say no.

The look on this guy's face was a look of utter horror and disbelief. Like I had just told him I was going to murder his wife and kid or something. He practically jumped out of his seat as he exclaimed,

"Why not?! Where do you think you're going to change him?"

I said, "anywhere."

This was apparently not a good enough response for him. He said,

"You'll get tired of that real soon. Eh, eh, eh." (That last part is him doing a stiffled laugh, like he's the villain in some cartoon who knows the trap he set for me is about to do its job; only I'm not good at writing it so you'd instinctively know that.)

He followed with, "The changing table is one of the most important things you can have in your home." Like we're talking about locks on your doors or something. He was completely flabbergasted at this point.

I said, "Really? You're the only person who has ever said that to me. Everyone else I've talked with, including the message boards, say that the changing table is NOT necessary. In fact, we have often heard that it's a waste, and can even be inconvenient."

He had no comment. He just let me leave the room as he gave me his best "I know the truth and he'll learn the importance of a changing table one day" look.

Whatever.

previous - next

duh - 2008-09-15

hi mac - 2006-12-12

corporate whore - 2006-11-03

new - 2006-10-05

elvis costello sings for you - 2006-09-27

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