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2008-09-15 - 7:05 p.m.


Explaining to my 5-year-old that we would like to get him his own computer to use:

Me: "It's not a toy."
Him: "I know."
Me: "It's fragile. Do you know what 'fragile' means?"
Him: "No."
Me: "It means it could break easily."
Him: "Well, you could just say it's delicate."

2006-12-12 - 8:20 p.m.

hi mac

It's been so long since I've updated I almost forgot how to log in...

Been busy with the job lately. Things have been much better - promises made, promises kept. Let's just say I'm happier now than I was a few weeks ago.

Right now though, I've got two sick kids and a sick wife. I had some kind of stomach thing last week - now they all have some variation of it. At least we think it's the same thing.

So tomorrow I am staying home with the kids while Amanda goes to work. It's not actually work, it's her teambuilding function. So she'll be there for a few hours and then home again... good thing too, because I'm truly not looking forward to being stuck inside this house alone with two vomiting kids.

In other news - we finally made the leap and went Mac. I'm typing this on our macbook pro right now. It is - in the words of my wife - a beautiful machine. I've never seen a pc that was as intuitive, and easy to use. Out of the box it was a cinch to set up and it went out and found the network in the house all by itself. It requires less software to be loaded (ie: our camera connects, and works without loading anything). It's simply incredible.

Zane also loves the fact that he can "work" anywhere in the house. Any time he's on the computer he calls it work.

That's it for now - I'm tired and need to get rested up for tomorrow... it's sure to be filled with fun and lots of bodily fluid clean-up.

2006-11-03 - 6:57 p.m.

corporate whore

"I'll keep on licking till your flavor is gone."

"every time you close your eyes. Lies."

I think that if I have to endure another Monday that feels like a scene out of "Office Space" I will go fucking crazy.

"Got a case of the 'Mondays'?"

No motherfucker. I've got a case of the "I don't fucking play that game."

I saw everyone from my old work today and it made me want to go back there. I miss that place. I miss (most of) the people. I miss the nicer commute. I don't miss the pay or the mundane and predictable daily work that I did. Don't get me wrong - I do believe I made the right choice to leave. It's just that I miss the comfortability (I lvoe you).

I definitely think I made the right choice. It's the pressure I can't get used to yet. The COO came into my office last week and said, "I have never in my life witnessed the hiring of such a highly-anticipated employee. Welcome - we can't wait to see what you can do!"

Well. What the fuck do I say to that? Sure, I know some tricks and shit - but I ain't special. You could've gotten "me" anywhere. Lots of people know way more database and financial forecasting information than I do. Anyfuckingone can build a database.

Today - at the meeting with my old workplace people - my current manager said, "Joshua is the best hiring decision we've made in a long time." Now, does that say something about the company or what? I mean - I know she was trying to be nice, but seriously... Every person I've met has said something along the same lines as the COO. It's too much - what the hell do you people want from me anyway?

My brother and I had a conversation a few years ago about corporate America and the hoops we were expected/willing to jump through. I explained to him and his wife that I was willing to jump through more hoops than they were - which is why I am where I am today. They were not so willing - and so they are not as successful in staying in a corporate America job. That's not a slight on them - that's just to say that I can be made to follow "the Man" more readily than they can. And while I really wish my brother had a job right now - I also have to say that knowing what you want and what you're willing to do is a good thing. You just have to find that now.

I don't know what my limits of corporate do-boy whoredom are. I'll do anyfuckingthing. Just pay me - and don't be constantly looking over my shoulder. Then everything will be ok. Oh yeah - and don't question me about my two-hour lunches - maybe I just like to get out and clear my head - what's it to you?

In case anyone is wondering, yes - this is the second installment of "Why I shouldn't blog and drink at the same time."

There will be many to follow.

2006-10-05 - 7:16 p.m.


subtitled: "Why I shouldn't write journal entries and drink beer at the same time: a case study."

I had a whole entry written and just deleted it.

I just can't get across the feeling that I need to about my new job and the kids and the changes in our lives lately.

I wrote about being stressed and feeling the newness of the job weighing heavily on me. The tremendous pressure to perform that I feel. The high expectations everyone has of me.

But I just can't nail the true feeling down.

I always hate the first three months of a new job. There are things like trying to figure out exactly what you're supposed to be doing - because we all know it's rarely what was described to you in the interview. There's the trying to figure out the new systems, people's names - who does what and who should you go to for certain things. And then there's the "environmental" factors - where's the bathroom? where can I get something good to eat around here? why the hell is it so hot in my office?

It's all just new. And, being a person who rarely enjoys a whole lot of change, "new" is not always so comfortable.

I'm really not looking forward to leaving Amanda and the kids for a week while I go to corporate for training. It's less "training" and more "here - do something with this crummy database and make us glad we've hired you".

I'll check back with this topic in 3 months. Hopefully I'll be more settled in and less stressed...

2006-09-27 - 7:38 a.m.

elvis costello sings for you

Shock. Disbelief. Anger.

My uncle married his wife just a few short years ago. She was an amazing woman who did wonders for my uncle. She was a balance to his dry humor and sometimes cynical views. She made him seem more human to me.

When my mom had to have her mastectomy, Susan took a week of vacaction and spent that time with my mom. She took care of her, made her laugh, gave her something she really needed during that time. Susan was selfless and didn't think twice about helping out. She just knew that was what my mom needed and did it.

The last time I saw Susan was at my mom's memorial service. She took care of Zane and Sam when they got restless during the service.

I can't believe she died. I'm really wondering where all the fairness in the universe has gone. Cause it sure as fuck ain't anywhere near my family.

Susan - I love you and I miss you.

2006-09-13 - 7:34 a.m.


Apparently we're all in panic mode here at work. The reason? My leaving. It has started to become obvious that I do a lot of the "little things" that no one realizes. I also do a lot of the "big things" like programming and writing code that no one else knows how to do. True - we have a large IT department that could help. But it's not the same - there's the waiting period, the explanation of what we are trying to accomplish, the testing and the re-trying. I already know what the goal is and how to get there...

It all culminated yesterday in a discussion I had with my manager. He and I were going over some of the transition materials when he suddenly stopped talking. He looked up at me and said, "I really do hope this new job works out for you and that you're happy there. But, if you're not, you need to call me right away."

It's nice to be needed. Wanted even. And my response to him? I said, "I hope I'm happy too. And if the person you hire doesn't work out and if the budget suddenly has room to pay me more, you should call me right away."

I thought that was fair.

It's been a surreal experience to leave a job I'm perfectly happy with. And to have told my manager about the interview and the offer well before anyone else in my shoes would have done so. I've been extremely honest from the beginning - and I think that has gone a long way to securing me a position in this company again should I need/want it.

One of the oddities of the whole situation is that Amanda just started her new job yesterday. It's around the corner from my office. We've always been miles and miles apart. Too far even to meet for lunch. And now? She's 50 yards from me all day long.

For the next 2.5 weeks anyway.

2006-09-10 - 10:23 a.m.

money talks

Well I did it. I quit my job. The offer came in last Wednesday, and Thursday I turned in my resignation letter. The entire office was dumbfounded. For most of the day, people thought it was a big joke.

"You're so good - you know so much."

"You are always saying how much you like your job, why would you quit?"

Well - it's the challenge, really. The opportunity to revamp the way data is handled and reported on in another company. My new company is - well - desperate to have their data cleaned up. And they need some new ways to report on the data and ensure it is correct and accurate. This entices me...

OK - the 20k bump in salary sure won't hurt either. (And did I mention the bonuses?) But I'm not so sure about the management aspect. The numbers I've been told range from 2 to 8 people reporting to me... this is something entirely new to me. But I like telling people what to do and how it should get done. Hopefully having no middle man to go through will be a good thing.

"Hey beyotches, no lunch until this database is SPOTLESS!"

I have to go start reading some Dilbert so I know what I am supposed to do.

2006-08-25 - 6:56 a.m.

show me the money

Two weeks ago I received a simple email from one of the managers I've had since I've been in this job. She's now working for one of the newest healthcare companies in the state. It just said "Send me your resume". I have lots of respect for her and really enjoyed working with her, so I did.

A week later I got a call from her company - it was from one of the people I work with now in the course of my daily business. She asked if I would be interested in a position with them. Now - I've been suckered by this type of thing before. I was courted by a company back in December. Problem was - the pay was not there and the move was totally lateral. To top it off, my company owns their company and so there was no room for salary matching or competing. So I basically played my hand, thinking I could get a bidding war started and end up with a nice fat salary. Didn't work.

This is different. First - we don't own the company. Second - I talked with the HR rep at the prospect company and she asked me what salary I was looking for. I told her a figure that was 20k more than I make now. I figured I had nothing to lose - if she said 'no', then I just remain at my current job - happy and content and making a decent salary. She put me on hold for a few seconds and then came back and said, "OK - we can definitely do that."

So I'm going for an interview Tuesday. I'll meet with three people plus the HR rep. Two of the people I already know, through my work relationship with them. One of them will be at a meeting we're hosting Monday - that won't be awkward at all.

I told my current manager the whole story. I even told him about the salary part. He said he'd be crazy not to tell me to pursue it - if it was something I wanted to do and thought it was a good move. Dammit. Why can't you just be an ass and make this easier on me? I even had to cancel a meeting he and I were supposed to have so that I could go interview.

The problem for him is that we work for a non-profit organization. The money just isn't there for him to dangle in front of me. I know that - I help make and meet the budget goals each year. I've seen how the dollars dry up over time.

What I can't figure out now is: Why am I so nervous about this? The work is something I can definitely do, and the money won't hurt either. If, after the interview, I think I wouldn't like it or they don't want me - I still have a very nice job. It's the quintessential "win-win" isn't it?

2006-08-15 - 3:40 p.m.


It's been 3 and a half months, and I feel stupid for still feeling so


2006-08-02 - 1:03 p.m.

the shizzle

Last night, after a particularly hectic day with two sick kids (Zane has strep and Sam has an ear infection), we were treated to this bit of Toddler Urban Talk:

the actual act that he wanted her to perform is not necessarily pertinent, it's how he handled the situation that counts

Zane: "Mommy, fix this - put the controller on the truck..."

Amanda: "There. Is that what you wanted?"

Zane: "Yes mommy."

Amanda: "Why? It won't work right if it's like that. Why do you want it that way?"

Zane: "Because that's how I like it. That's how I roll mommy!"

That's how I roll.

Thank god some of what I've been teaching him has gotten through.

2006-07-31 - 12:14 p.m.


I took Zane to see "Cars" this weekend. His first movie in a theater - what an experience.

We decided that the 10:45 am showing was going to be the best fit for our schedule Saturday. It's been a while since I've been to the movies, so I was shocked they had such an early showing - I guess that's to accommodate parents and young children, at least that's what I'm telling myself. I base this on the fact that the only people in the entire building, aside from employees, were parents and kids.

Zane and I went to the concession stand to get some snacks -

Me: "Zane, what do you want to eat?"
Zane: "I would like a baked potato please."
Me: "They don't have baked potatoes here. How about pop-corn?"
he won't eat anything chocolate, so most of the candies were not an option.
Zane: "No thank you."
Me: "Well, do you want something to drink?"
Zane: "I would like milk please."
Me: "They don't have milk here."

At this point Zane is beginning to get a look on his face like the movies are the worst place to be. He had already commented on how dark it was and that he didn't like that. And now he is going to be forced to eat pop-corn and drink sprite because that's what I bought... sheesh - this place must suck according to him!

We found the theater the movie was playing in and I asked him where he wanted to sit. He immediately went for the front. The flat, close-to-the-screen, non-stadium-seating seats. I said, "how about up here instead? We'll be able to see better." And we headed up into the stadium seats a couple of rows.

About half-way through the trivia and advertisements they show prior to the previews, Zane asked me if the movie was over yet. I should have explained the process a little better to him. He looked very confused when I told him the movie hadn't started yet. But he did enjoy the pop-corn, and soon made me wish I had bought a large instead. He liked it so much that when he dropped a piece out in the lobby he picked it up and ate it. Hey - at least it was our pop-corn and the five second rule was well observed.

As we sat there enjoying the trivia, people were making their way into the theater. Always one parent and one or two kids. It was like a parade of divorced parents who were having "their" weekend with the kid(s). Then I realized I was one parent with a kid also - and maybe lots of other moms/dads were at home taking care of the too-small-to-go-to-the-movies kid like Amanda was. Until the family of 15 came in. With the infant. Who cried. And was not happy. And fussed about everything. While sitting two rows directly behind us.

Then two men came in. No kids. They were big guys, who looked out of place in the theater full of kids and parents. They decided to sit two rows in front of us. As they made their way into the row Zane was waving and saying "hi" to them. He did this at least three times and they completely ignored him. He looked at me:

Zane: "Daddy, how come they don't say hi to me?"
Me: "I don't know, buddy."
Zane: "Maybe they're shy."
Me: "Yep - that's probably it. They're just shy."

That's my boy - the shy kid who wants to be friends with everyone. I say he's shy simply because he won't "perform" when we want him to, but he will - of his own will and completely on his own terms - walk up to anyone, anywhere and begin a conversation.

Then the movie began. About half way throuh Zane asked if we could go home. I told him the big race was coming up and we needed to see who would win. Then he said he had to pee. So it's off to the bathroom. We get in there and he's off on a quest to find the "big potty". This was a new one on me - I couldn't figure it out. We found a suitable stall and, well, used it. Then there's the flush and we have to watch the flush in its entirety. As were trying to exit the bathroom Zane spots the urinals and tells me those are the big potties (because "big boys use those"). Then he proceeds to walk over to a urinal (there's now someone using the one next to it) and touches the big pink "mint" inside. Trying not to make a big deal of this, I told him we don't touch those, and washed his hands again.

Back to the movie. Movie over. Zane thoroughly unimpressed, but wants more pop-corn. I figure why not - so we buy more pop-corn for the ride home. As I'm standing in line to buy it, Zane notices a woman with a broom sweeping up bits of pop-corn from the lobby floor. He then runs over to her and begins to point out all the pop-corn she's "missed", or hasn't gotten to yet. "There's some over there!" Like it's a big game and he's scoring points for finding the pop-corn treasure and making her collect it. It was very amusing.

I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders at her.

We had a good time. And despite the fact that he seemed to not really enjoy the whole experience with the joy and wonder I had envisioned - he asked if we could go see another movie the next day ("This time a movie about trains, Daddy").

I love that kid.

2006-07-03 - 8:59 a.m.


My brother and his son and my dad all came up for Zane's birthday this past weekend. His birthday was yesterday - he's already three. Three years old - I am speechless, and truly cannot figure out where the time went.

We all had a good time - even with my evil allergies attacking relentlessly throughout the weekend. The party was originally scheduled for Sunday - Zane's actual birthday - but when we found out my dad and brother were coming we switched it to Saturday so they could enjoy the festivities too.

Maybe it's the fact that my mom just died. Maybe I'm just sentimental or whatever, but I really miss my dad and my brother. I sometimes wish that we lived closer to them and that we got to hang out anytime we wanted to. Don't get me wrong - there's nofuckingway I'd ever want to live in Florida again, but I do miss the daily contact I had with both of them growing up.

I'm jealous of Dan in so many ways, I always have been. He's always made things look so easy. He never studied in school (ok, his grades weren't that great, but who cares), he made friends so easily, he always seemed to be fearless in his approach to life. He was also always protective of me. I followed him everywhere - or at least I tried. It was difficult to keep up with him - he was always so fluid and so free with his day to day "schedule". Me, on the other hand, well - everything needed to be planned out, very structured. I think that was the reason I was so jealous of his way of doing things. He never worried and never had a plan. I worried no matter how much planning I did, and often found myself disappointed.

I believe that one of the best things I ever did was to go away for college. I was far enough from home to feel independent, but close enough (3 hour drive) to go home if I needed to. More importantly, I went to a school where there was no Dan.

All of a sudden I had to figure out how to survive without mimicking my brother. I had to make friends with people who had never heard of my legendary sibling. It was all me from that point on. And it was important for me to learn that I could do things on my own - I can't verbalize what a huge lesson that has been for me.

I miss him tremendously. I still sometimes feel like a kid again, looking up at my big brother with such awe and amazement. No matter how different we are, he's my brother. And no matter how independent I've become I still feel there's something magical and intimidating about his sense of ease with himself and his world. I'm still jealous.

2006-06-26 - 1:28 p.m.

i'm gonna be rich

If you qualify, no required tests, classes, books or examinations.

Confidentiality Assured

This is the spam I got recently... really I think in the academic world (no implication of relationship here) you cannot be both "prestigious" and "non-accredited" at the same time.

And truly - it's a diploma based on your "present knowledge and professional experience" so how is it going to help you get any further along your career path? If you have one...

The only reason I even read this one is because it's the first spam I've recieved in a long time that didn't promise to give me a bigger dick. For some reason that caught my attention. Must be the dick-filter I installed.

2006-06-21 - 7:36 a.m.


Zane: "I have to pee."
Me: "Go ahead." (watching him)
Zane: "Daddy, where is your penis?"
Me, pointing: "Right here."
Zane: "Girls don't have penises."
Me: "That's right, only boys have them."
Zane: "Girls have giants."

I told Amanda about this exchange last night. She told me that earlier he called it a "China". He's definitely asking the right questions.

On another note, Monday night Amanda and I were putting Zane to bed. I got out a book my grandmother gave to Zane. It's Richard Scarry's Best Mother Goose Ever . It contains poems like "Jack Sprat" and "The Cow Jumped Over the Moon". I read him about 10 of the poems, and I did it like I was in sixth grade again. Hanging out on the playground with the other boys talking about sex and other stuff I really had not much of an idea about, and laughing. I took advantage of every inappropriate connotation I could and had Amanda crying because she was laughing so hard. Zane had no idea what was so funny but saw mommy and daddy losing their shit for some reason, and so he laughed too.

Zane has also learned to effectively lie. He lies mostly about farting. He'll let one, and then he looks around the room and acts innocent. I'll say, "What was that? Did you fart?" and he says, "No daddy... that wasn't me!!?!"

Last week he was standing in the bathtub when he farted. He twisted his torso around to see if he could "watch" the fart. He turned back to me and said, "Where did the fart go?" It's difficult to explain vanishing farts to an almost-three-year-old.

I love that boy.

2006-06-15 - 7:33 a.m.


If we are all killed I want you to know that it was probably the security company sales rep that did it.

We had trees cut down yesterday. Our house is on a small lot with lots of trees. The day we found our house, we parked in the driveway and daydreamed about what it could be - what it could look like. And so we bought it. Then the reality of the tiny paycheck hit us. And the only outside maintenance that I've ever done is to mow the grass weeds.

That was six years ago. And we finally had the money to take down the damn pine trees which grew 100 feet tall and swayed dangerously close to the house in a mild wind. Each winter I would stand at the back windows of the house and just pray that the limbs could support the snow/ice for one more season. Each year they came through for me. But I am not one to test my luck for too long - so last October we began the process of finding someone - an aborist, an immigrant with a chainsaw... anyone - to cut them down.

They arrived yesterday morning with a large truck and the biggest chipper I've ever seen. They had to take down part of the chain link fence to get the truck into the back yard. We were told ahead of time they would not put it back for us. I arrived home yesterday with the kids just in time to see the last of the chipping and some limb trimming. Zane thought it was the best surprise ever. He watched as the workers placed huge branches into the chipper. I tried explaining what the machine does, but he was more interested in watching from the saftey of the deck than in understanding what it was doing.

We paid them and they left. And now we had a 20 foot section of fencing gone. I knew I couldn't sleep until it had been repaired, so we took the kids and found some tools and began the "stretching" process. Tension is a nasty thing. It amazed me how much tension is required to put a section of fencing back together. All the time we were trying to pull that sonofabitch back together we kept remembering what the tree guy said -"It'll be easy, even your wife could do it." Bullshit.

As we struggled, a man approached us asking if he could help. He had a hat and shirt with an APXAlarms logo, and one of those industrial metal clip boards. I figured the more help we could get the better. We fixed it after a good struggle - even with three of us it was not that easy. And then he proceeded to offer us a free alarm system if we would just let them advertise in our yard. He explained how he had just put in a bunch of new systems in the neighborhood and our house would be great for their business. He asked what kind of doors we had, wanted to know our names and birth dates (to ensure we own the house - they do some kind of background check apparently) and it all made us feel uneasy. We told him to "come back tomorrow" and left it at that.

I called the company to check if he was an employee and if he was legit. They "confirmed" but we still weren't satisfied. Especially Amanda. Before we went to bed she placed heavy objects in front of all the doors - so if he tried to break in we'd hear him. She also found the baby gate we don't use anymore and I put it back up at the top of the stairs.

It all just gave us an eerie feeling. And we're prone to paranoia.

2006-05-22 - 11:00 a.m.


This is a proud moment in my life so far as the father of a boy:

Zane peed in a urinal.

It may not sound like much - especially if you have never used a urinal, or if you are not a boy. But it is a rite of passage, an initiation, and just something men do.

I stood there proudly as Zane announced first that he would like to stand this time (this in itself is not something new, he has been known to stand at the toilet) and then refused to come into the stall with me, as was the usual custom.

He said, "Daddy, I'm going to stand here and pee, like you."

And then I watched - and cringed - as my son teabagged the urinal and relieved himself. Such joy and repulsion have rarely been alive within me all at once. It was the proudest moment, and the most disgusting.

That's my boy.

And later on, I gave him a bath.

2006-05-15 - 7:09 a.m.


Dear Kim:

I was going to write an entry "pretending" it wasn't directed at you.

I was also going to write an entry blasting you for your inconsiderate actions and unforgivable behavior over the past years, but especially lately.

I can't really do either of those things.

You had a special place in mom's heart - no, she wasn't fond of you in a daughterly way. But she loved you because Dan loved you. And because, despite all the nasty and superficial exterior, you really are a beautiful person. There is so much there - so much that you deny and stifle.

Mom's death has made me seriously re-evaluate my actions, my effect on others and take note of my own mortality. There are so many things and people we waste our lives trying to outdo, as if we feel like we have something to prove. When you boil it all down, the only one you have to prove anything to is yourself. I can't live with myself hating you for the rest of my life. I have to take stock of what's important (truly) and forget the rest - just let it go.

You said many times how you wanted nothing to do with our family - that we never gave you anything. Why? Are you that blind? We all tried and tried to take you in and accept you and love you. And all you've ever done is push us away.

And now the only thing you can think about is how much money mom left and when you're getting your fucking "share"?

If you weren't so blinded by your own delusions, you'd see that money is the LEAST of what she left.

She left Curren with an understanding of what it is to be truly loved by a grandmother; to have a safe harbor in her home. She left you with peace and understanding; no matter what happened, she tried to achieve some sort of bond with you. She wanted for so long to break through that barrier and let you see the person Dan always saw. She left a legacy of learning from life and her own mistakes and trying to make the most of situations. And so much more I don't even want to share with you because it would only be wasted.

I will be lucky if my son even remembers her.

I would trade anything for it to have been me and Amanda who lived so close to her and had so many opportunites to hang out at her house and take advantage of her hospitality and time. The thing you've wasted here is unbelievable. The focus on yourself and your needs is incomprehensible to me.

She was my mother dammit. Stop taking every opportunity you can to take take take from her. She's dead. At least let her rest a bit before you pounce. The focus is not on you, and I know how much that hurts you. But you will undoubtedly be able to find a new situation that holds you as the focus. It's just your nature.

I'm sorry that we couldn't be close. I'm sorry that you would not give even an inch so that we could have resembled something like a family. And I'm sorry so much of mom's beauty and patience seems to have been wasted with you. You didn't learn a thing did you? I tried too. And now I have to be finished trying.

2006-05-11 - 9:23 a.m.


Yeah - so that last entry sucked. It sucks even more that I have more than once started an entry since then, only to delete it because it doesn't "feel" right.

So here's the recap of the last few weeks since that last entry:

Mom died.
We made two trips to Florida (with two kids, no less).
I drank lots of beer - and some good scotch.
I got a tattoo.
Zane learned to pee outside.
Zane peed in his pants.
Zane peed on a tractor on the side of the highway.

OK - now I'm sensing a theme. Let's just say the last few weeks - while they could have been better - have not completely sucked.

Well. Except for the whole death thing.

2006-04-28 - 9:10 a.m.


Not sure where to begin here. I am finally back at work after visiting my parents for 7 days.

Got a call from dad saying if I wanted to see mom before it was too late, I should come now. We left the next morning.

Mom's dying. It's inevitable. And painful.

I can't do this now. Thought I could, but it's too much right now.

I'll try again later.

2006-03-20 - 7:35 a.m.

jesus juice

Saturday was Amanda's birthday. She decided it would be nice to have a few people over for dinner and socializing instead of collecting everyone in our house (plus all the stuff that goes with them)and trying to have a dinner out.

I made enchiladas at her request, along with my special "lime chicken" for those who don't eat red meat. It's really not that special - just chicken marinated in lime juice for about ten minutes (too much longer and it gets all mealy) and then quick sauteed in a hot pan. Add some salt and pepper and it comes out tender and juicy and limey. It's great on tacos or in a salad.

I also made chocolate cherry muffins from a mix I bought at Williams Sonoma. I normally wouldn't mention where I bought the mix, but these things were great... and easy to make. The mix is actually for a bread, but I opted to make the muffin version listed on the side of the package. No one ate any of them. Turns out it's their loss - Amanda and I discovered the magic of the microwave yesterday. Pop one of those babies in there for 13 seconds and the chocolate chips melt slightly, the dehydrated cherry bits get a little juicy again - good stuff.

The dessert of choice was, instead, strawberry empanadas. Puff pastry with a mixture of strawberries, chocolate and cream cheese all baked inside. I kinda feel bad that Amanda had to make her own dessert on her birthday, but I was on baby duty at the time and trying to remember how to be social.

OK - I've skipped the real news of the evening. I checked the mail just befor dinner was ready and found a Jesus juice prayer rug in my mailbox. Not a "rug" really, but a print out of a rug with rigid instructions attached about how to use it. It was apparently infused or soaked with prayer juice - or something. Unfolded, the "rug" was a legal-sized picture of Jesus with his eyes closed and wearing his favorite thorny crown. The "magic" happened as you stared at the picture and you "see the eyes of Jesus begin to open..." I don't think Amanda actually saw the eyes open, but some of us did. And I'm here to tell you I'm a changed person. Not really.

We decided to hang it on the outside of the front door. On a nail. The tiny nail usually reserved for our festive wreath at Christmas. I hung Jesus on a nail, people.

We told each of our guests to touch Jesus and say a prayer as they entered. Then - toward the end of the evening - we decided to take it down because of the impending rain. We realized then we had failed to completely follow the instructions. We were supposed to have rubbed Jesus on our knees for some reason... still not sure about that one. But rub I did - I even rubbed Him on Samantha's knees, just for good measure.

All in all it was a good night. Once again my garbage bag made the familiar "clinking" sound of beer bottles knocking into each other. Haven't heard that sound in a while.

Best part of get togethers like this when you're too old to be doing keg stands? Your friends help you clean up, do dishes and stuff.

Worst part - I get excited that my friends help me clean up.

2006-02-06 - 1:16 p.m.


For those of you who may doubt, from time to time, the type of job you are doing as a parent... I got ya beat.

Mom(at refrigerator door): "Oops! I dropped my gingerale."

Child: "Why did you drop your fucking gingerale?"

Ladies and gents, the kid is 2 and a half. And he used the f word. Correctly.

That's my boy!

2006-02-03 - 8:21 a.m.

february blues

Time has flown by. Last entry Samantha was just born. Now she's nearly 7 weeks old. Where did the time go?

Well - let's start with the visits from my parents and my brother. Then there was about two days to ourselves and suddenly Amanda has to go to the emergency room. I drove her there with the two kids and waited for hours and hours to find out what was wrong with her. Turns out she had stones in her gall bladder topped with a serving of pancreatitis. Doctor said he didn't know how she had lasted so long with all that pain - the stones must have been there for some time to cause such inflammation. So she's admitted to the hospital, has two surgeries, and comes home 4 days later.

I feel like January was just a blur. I can't remember the start of the year - and now it's already February.

And February at my workplace means only one thing...annual employee evaluation time. I fucking hate this stuff. I am absolutely no good at receiving praise or criticism. Just leave me alone and let me do my job - don't write down some commentary about it. And I'm even worse at self-evaluation. I think I'm doing a good job. That about sums it up for me. 'Nuff said.

I really like my job. I like what I do and more importantly, I really like the fact that in a company of over 5,000 employees I am the only one who does what I do. No one else in the system does my job (although there are 3 of us with the exact same title - and they're all in my department) or has my responsibilities. So wouldn't it logically follow that, if I'm not doing a good job I would already know about it?

The IT department has called me several times to see if I am interested in opportunities for a job with them. There are several departments I assist because of my technical (read: "highschool A-V nerd") expertise. Other people in the system call me for my knowledge of healthcare and policies (I do have a Masters in Healthcare after all!) and countless others who have just found that I can get things done, and so they ask for my help.

Too bad none of that stuff can go on the evaluation.

The point is, I really don't need this 4 weeks of stress in my life so that someone can pick apart my tile, role and responsibilities. And make me feel like I'm just not achieving my potential. And make me doubt my skills and knowledge.

Ok, maybe I just do all that to myself. Whatever the case - I hate February. I can't wait until March.

That's when the raises come...

2005-12-22 - 7:47 a.m.

samantha's birthday

Samantha is here! She was born on December 20 at 1:20 pm, 20 inches and 7 lbs, 1 oz.

Everyone is doing well - the surgery was without any complications, well - except for that big hole in my wife now. Other than that, no problems.

I was in the OR for the entire process, and watched as they pulled out Samantha. Then I watched as they re-stuffed all my wife's innards back into her. It was great - and I think I was able to pay more attention to it this time. With Zane the C-section was such a last minute thing. Unplanned and confusing. This time it was completely orchestrated from the beginning.

And so now we begin the process of assimilating her into our family. But at the same time, we have to help Amanda recover - that wasn't such a pretty process before. But I guess we know what to expect this time and hopefully that will make things easier.

My daughter is here - she's beautiful and wonderful and so far, quiet.

When Zane saw her for the first time he said, "Oh, she's so sweet Daddy". I'm sure he has no real concept of what that means, but it was entirely too cute. I just hope he doesn't try to kill her when she comes home.

2005-12-15 - 7:44 a.m.

high and dry

News Flash: The Aquarium is apparently out- speculation and rumor are fair game again.

Someone apparently overheard our Admin talking on the phone (she's from Alabama and can't whisper to save her life - so we're all stuck listening to her godawful drawl at high volume) and she said something about having a good view. The Aquarium doesn't have a good view. But the restaurant at the top of the Westin does. And so now that's where everyone thinks we're going.

It should be noted at this point that there could be something very important about the work we do here, but no one has the same idea about it or may not have even heard about it. BUT - you try to keep something secret about Christmas the holidays and WATCH OUT! Everyone knows who said what and all the piddly details...

I work with a bunch of women. Nuff said?

Oh - no. Not nuff said. I work with a bunch of illiterate women. There is a special pot of coffee each day lately that has a "flavored" coffee in it. And each day I come in and walk to the break room and that pot has a little sticky note on it that reads "Flavor Coffee". WTF? I know it's picky-bitch of me, but come on people. And the people that are doing this are in charge of reclaiming lost money from the services we provide here. Just one of those things...

2005-12-14 - 8:15 a.m.

aquarium or bust

Our big holiday bash for the office is this Friday. I'm not exactly looking forward to it - in fact, last year I took that day off, just so I didn't have to be around these people at what should be a festive time. But the people have changed - we have some of the old ones, but mostly new ones who weren't around last year. Don't get me wrong - I'm not trying to be all negative here. It's just that I most often find that people I work with are great to work with -- not to hang out and be jolly with.

So here's what I missed last year:

The "team" gathered at the office and went to have lunch at an upscale steak place. I do regret not being there for the meal - I won't be able to afford that place for a while. (so - for those of you keeping score: what I missed most was a free meal.) And then the "team" went to the Governor's mansion for a tour. Woo-fucking-hoo. (score: mansions suck) Together with the fact that our Executive Director (pansy ass that he is, plus he's sweet on me even though he's married with two kids...whole other story there) had to throw in the fact that he and his wife have dinner with the Governor every now and then. Like I am supposed to be impressed.

Here's the thing: I don't move in those circles, and so I am not in awe of anything like that.

So this year came the decree: NO ONE is allowed to have the day off - attendance is mandatory at the holiday function. WTF? Hello Hitler, this is the fucking US of A. We can do as we please. So - in the meeting where this was announced - I spoke up and said, "Well, I'll be there this year. Unless of course the baby decides to come a bit early, and then you will have to be festive without me." That wasn't taken well, but it was nice to get my jab in there. Just to hang the possibility over his head that I could miss the second year in a row of hangning out in some pretentious place with my co-workers.

And so last week the rumor mill got cranking. People started to speculate on the location of the event (see - that's part of the holiday spectacular... no one knows where we're going until we're there. You know, it's supposed to add to all the excitement). There is one theory that we're going to play mini-golf - OK, I confess, I am the one that started that one. And the other theory is that we're going to the brand-spanking-new Aquarium that just opened here. Now - I could definitely put on my jolly face for that one. I am excited (truly) about this possibility.

It's supposed to be expensive to get in and it's also supposed to be the largest aquarium in the world, or something like that. Plus we bought Zane a "fish scale" with his name on it. They put all the scales into a big collage that makes a huge picture of a fish - the logo of the aquarium. I can't wait to see it.

If we don't go there I will be pissed, and I will yell "BOO! This place SUCKS" whenever we get to where we're going.

But if we do go there, this could be the best office christmas ever!

2005-11-29 - 7:16 a.m.

dinner, squashed

I've been riding on a bit of a high lately - after Zane told the people at the daycare that "Daddy makes good dinner". I'm pretty impressed by the little guy for his willingness to try new foods and his wide spectrum (wide for a 2 year old) of tastes.

Until last night.

My new "thing" is squash. It's cheap, easy to prepare, and can be quite tasty. Last Friday I made stuffed acorn squash. One large squash stuffed with ground pork, carrots, onion, celery and some oregano. It was good. So good in fact that Amanda ate it again a day later reheated. That's a sign of just how good it was. Zane said he didn't want any, and he was happy with the vegetables that I served with it, and I am sure he had a chicken nugget or two to top it all off. So I didn't press the issue with him. He sees us eat it often enough and he'll want to try it eventually.

Last night however, I made butternut squash. Sliced thin longways, topped with butter, olive oil, salt, pepper, thyme and rosemary, plus a little nutmeg. It was excellent as well. I asked Zane if he wanted some, and he said no. So I tried the old "try it and I'll give you insert the food bribe here." So he opened his mouth. I put a piece of squash in and he promptly threw up.

So we're back to chicken nuggets for him. Any night of the week, you ask him what he wants for dinner and he'll say, "chicken nuggets, macoroni and green beans." At least he's covering the food groups with that meal.

2005-11-17 - 8:01 a.m.

boy genius

My son is the smartest kid in the world. Baby sister has a lot to live up to - at this point I expect her to begin talking in complete sentences as soon as her APGARs are done.

Zane enjoys "helping". With everything. And more than that, he enjoys doing..."all by myself". One of his greatest pleasures is to close the garage door once I've pulled the car in. Yesterday he grabs the clicker, and says to me, "Daddy, can I push the button with my left thumb?" Holy schmoly! My kid knows his left from his right and he ain't even 2.5 years old yet! It's cute. It's a bit precocious, but it's cute.

My favorite game lately was when he was playing with the extension portion of the vacuum. He carried it around, hitting things with it, showing it to me and Amanda. At one point I took it and looked through it at him. He looked back through it at me. I talked into it while he listened, and then he did the same. As he put it to his mouth to talk a second time, I took a deep breath and blew into it like it was one of those total volume machines at the hospital. His cheeks inflated like he was Louis Armstrong and he had this look on his face like he didn't know quite what had happened.

Then he laughed. He thinks I'm funny. And he thinks anything I do is great. I like it that way.

Even though I've felt like crap this week because of my sinuses going all whacko, I still think playing with him is great. I have no energy, but he manages to make me laugh.

And for the past week he's been sleeping in his "big boy" bed. It's the queen size bed in the guest room. Well - it was the guest room until we made it his new room. He took to it fairly quickly - and now calls it his room. We still have some painting and other prep work to do in his old room - the room now designated as "baby sister's room". But he made the transition well - as he has with everyting.

Everything except the potty. When the subject comes up he sort of reverts a bit - saying, "I don't want to use the potty. I have a diaper. I'm a baby."

I need him to start using the potty. I hate diapers.

2005-11-10 - 7:18 a.m.

death and downsizing

I saw someone die in a car wreck yesterday. She was going way too fast in a dangerous curve and lost control when the right side of her vehicle went off the road. The car flew into a tree.

Flew. Into a tree.

I pulled over and called 911. Waiting on hold for the 911 operator is just frustrating. There's nothing you can do. And I know these people deal with this every day, but sheesh - you put me on hold? Like there's no emergency? Like this lady dying in her car is just a part of your workday? It was surreal.

I just went out for some fucking dinosaur ritz crackers. Zane can't seem to get enough of them, and we were out. So I was on my way to the store, and 1.5 hours later I'm returning to work. Having seen someone die.

It's amazing to me the number of people who weren't witnesses to the accident, but who felt compelled for some reason to stop their car when they saw us standing there, just so they could see what was going on. If you can't be helpful, don't fucking stop. No one needs to see that. No one should want to see that. The good news is - I think the passenger in the car is going to be OK. They took her away in an ambulance almost immediately. She was strapped to a body board and immobilized. God I hope she's ok.

And then when I did finally return to work one of my co-workers said, "What happened?" And I said, "Well there was this horrible wreck, someone died." And my co-worker's response was, "Oh - there really was a wreck?"

LIKE I WOULD FUCKING LIE ABOUT IT! You stupid cunt - YES there was a wreck.

Oh - and then when I got home last night I found out that Amanda's job has been "downsized". That means they fired a pregnant woman a month before she is supposed to give birth.

Fucking morons. What the hell is wrong with people?

In the meantime - if anyone needs me I'll be "looking for the good in all this".

2005-10-03 - 10:56 a.m.

praise to the double d

wow. I feel like I'm back in highschool getting all hyped about a band. Well - that's exactly what I'm doing, except there's no curfew or anything.

I'm totally digging on the new Disturbed album - Ten Thousand Fists. I was completely enthralled with the first CD I got by them, and now I am remembering why I liked them to begin with.

David Draiman's incredible voice paired with such brilliant drumming... it's beautiful. It's a shame I had to quit the gym - this would be excellent to listen to while working out. And there's the requisite "cover" - this one being Land of Confusion. You remember Genesis, right? I'm not usually one for covers, but this just seems right to me - somehow Draiman's voice just fits.

Props to the wife for making it so.

2005-09-09 - 7:18 a.m.


And now for my social / political statement on the Katrina situation:

I have decided to stop watching the news coverage.

I'm just going to wait for the movie.

2005-09-07 - 7:40 a.m.


Wow. Two entries in two days, I'm on a roll.

I am sitting here at the same desk I've been at for the past 2.5 years. I'm wondering if I've become complacent or simply comfortable. I need something to change but I have a hard time justifying this need. I have a good job, good pay and few responsibilities. It's just one of those "data" type jobs that not many others seem to be able or want to do. And I'm good at it. So why the need for change? Not sure really...

So I applied for a new job last week. It's with my company - I filled out the internal transfer form and here I sit waiting for some type of response. I want to make it clear: I am looking for more money, not more responsibility. I have no problem admitting that. Yes - it makes me sound lazy, or at the very least greedy. But other changes are coming soon anyway... namely my daughter's birth. That will be enough change for a while I should think.

Zane was awake this morning when I left. I feel bad for Amanda - that is never a good sign, and I think she really wanted to sleep longer. I thought about the future and how Zane would probably not be the only child in the house who got up on mornings like this. He'd invariably wake his sister too. Arghh! But it will be worth it - there's a part of me that wants to not complain about extra time to see my kids. Then there's the part that just wants them to sleep when they should.

Last night Amanda and I spent some time speculating about the nature of our relationship with the new kid and how it may (will) differ from the one we have with Zane. Will her achievements be less exciting? Will we still be blown away by the things she does and says? Will Zane love her as much as I hope he will? It's all a bit much for me to think about. I've already missed appointments at the OB's office - kind of a 'been there' sort of thing. Am I already slighting her? I don't think so.

Tomorrow and Friday I get to be away from the office for the entire day. Sounds good. Only - I'll be in a class all day, both days. S'alright - free training that I can take to another position, or another company. Who knows - I'll just sit back and watch what happens.

2005-09-06 - 11:17 a.m.

i didn't leave

I should know better. Every now and then I go read some blog / diary / journal thingy and get all pissed about something.

I should not do this at work.

I should not read these at work.

There is something I don't get about blogging. Something inherently wrong with the whole idea. I can't quite put it into words right now, so that will have to wait. One thing I can put into words is my complete distaste for people who (to me) seem to be trying to make a certain impression when it is clear (again, to me) that it is false.

an aside - Kim: you may think the above sounds vaguely familiar...

Ok- bitching out of the way - on to the fun stuff. Zane is - he has to be - the best kid in the world. I can't wait to see him as a big brother. I can't wait to see myself as my daughter's father... so strange that sounds. But before long it will always be "kids". As in - where are the kids? I am going to take the kids somewhere. Which of the kids do you suppose will change my diapers?

It's all so wonderful. Truly it is.

2005-06-01 - 2:50 p.m.

zane the big brother

It's official. I'm going to be a dad again. Amanda and I went to the doctor's office today and heard the heartbeat of our newest family member.

The due date is December 25th. So I'm calling the little one "LBJ" - that's short for little baby jesus.

Can't wait to see Zane as a big brother.

2005-05-11 - 7:28 a.m.

a love letter

I love it when a plan comes together...

Dear Redneck Chick:

Your Chevy Silverado (License plate 1266 ATX) passed me going way too fast this morning. You showed me - I think -your middle finger (or the phallus of your unlucky suitor, if you indeed swing that way) as you made your way in the High Occupancy lane (you were the only one in that truck, right?). You saw what you believed to be the Po-po and quickly swerved back into the regular lane, two cars ahead of me.

Perhaps your girlfriend was busy pleasuring you, or maybe your brakes were out, or maybe you just always drive like shit. Whatever it is - it definitely explains why you eventually collided with another car, still just ahead of me...

I do hope you're ok - I wouldn't wish pain/suffering on too many people. Heck, I don't even know you. But I also hope you (and your partner) learned a valuable lesson.

I know I did - Karma hates lesbian rednecks.

2005-05-10 - 8:26 a.m.

strawberry hell

Alrighty then - back at work after a long weekend. Should be playing catch up but decided I don't want to. So I'll post here instead.

My parents came for a visit this past Friday. They brought my nephew Curren with them and stayed until Monday morning. Love my parents. Love that they've gone back home, too.

Let's see... what did we do... oh yeah - my dad and I did a shitload of yardwork. I think Amanda and I can finally show our faces in the neighborhood again. Not that we live in a beautiful community or anything, but we have needed to do some cleanup for a while now. We have a new tree planted in front of the house - sort of commemorating/in honor of/just for the hell of it/ the anticipated arrival of our newest family member...

Mom and I attempted to recreate the tasty treat that is my grandmother's strawberry jam. The words "tasty" and "treat" were never uttered in my house... does that give you any idea of how it went?

See - the last time we saw my gmother, she only gave us 2 jars of jelly. The past few attempts of hers to make it had been rather disappointing, but those two jars... they were heaven. So I thought I'd make a whole batch and have it whenever I wanted it. It didn't turn out that way. We made two batches (I had a craptastic amount of strawberries). The first batch jelled quite nicely, but tastes like pure sugar, with a strawberry finish. The second batch... well, Amanda labelled it "Syrup". Runny, sweet, sugary syrup. With a strawberry finish.

MID POST interruption... more to come...

OK - where was I? The point is - good weekend, bad jam. Having my nephew in the house was a bit of an eye opener. He and Zane are about as far apart in age as Zane and his future sibling will be. Two kids - running around my house. Running. Not stopping. Trying to get them both down for a nap (just so I could take one too...), wow - it should be interesting. ugh.

2005-04-21 - 4:50 p.m.


Right now, Zane's favorite song is "Firefly" from the Breaking Benjamin CD.

There's nothing cuter than a soon-to-be 22 month old child "head banging" in his car seat, while holding up both hands "rock-n-roll style".

Oh - wait - there is something cuter... when "Firefly" is over I hear a little voice from the backseat say, "More?" He just can't get enough.

Also - he knows his colors. At least he knows: red, blue, yellow and purple (and sometimes orange). He has great difficulty with green. He will go so far as to change the subject if I ask him about something green. He's smart. Smartest kid I know.

2005-03-25 - 8:13 a.m.

damn proud

This is my big brother.

I am incredibly proud of him, and I think I will probably always look up to him. And it's because of things like this.

2005-03-21 - 8:06 a.m.

kim - this one's for you

KIM, I'm not even sure you read my journal, but this is dedicated to you.

For anyone who doesn't know, Kim is my sister-in-law. She is married to my Big Brother, and has been for the past 9 years. And, frankly, she's a pain in my ass.

Truly you too can see what I mean if you just read through a couple of entries of hers. Kim - why is everything such fucking drama? Why do you have this belief that the entire world is out to get you, or doesn't understand you, or even cares enough to have that burden placed upon them?

OK - now go read through a couple entries of my brother's. See? See the difference? Now - I grant you that there are some rather depressing entries he has written, but for the most part can you not see the incredible person that he is? Smart and enthusiastic. Pensive and deep. Creative and light years ahead of where I will ever be.

Before I go too far - I need to point out that this is NOT an attack on their journals. This is directed at the type of person Kim is... one who is DRAINING THE LIFE FROM THE BROTHER I LOVE.

I don't know how long I'm supposed to stand by and watch the degradation of one beautiful person by another. Kim - you too are (or can be) a beautiful person. But you won't allow it to happen. Instead you would rather WALLOW in nothingness. You have such a great life - a man who loves you (yes - he's made mistakes... SO HAVE YOU) and you have a beautiful son. Why can't you wake up and enjoy them? Why can't you live in the now and in the what-can-be instead of always living in the past?

I don't know what to say to you to make you see what you're missing out on. I don't know what you want or expect. I do know that when Amanda emailed you to let you know you're not alone, you could do nothing else but lash out at her. You constantly feel like you're under attack - even from her. I don't get it. I just don't get it. I feel such pity for you. You are beautiful and talented and funny and witty and so so so smart. And YOU REFUSE TO LET IT SHOW. I am saddened by this.

And it's not because you're black. And it's not because you're misunderstood. And it's not Dan's fault. And it's not my parents' fault. And it's not for any reason that you've EVER named before. I don't know the reason - but I do know that you have lead a life of looking back. That's why you're confused about where you've now ended up. You were never looking forward, so now you're confused about how you arrived here.

I can't do this anymore...

2005-02-25 - 10:59 a.m.


So is it just a coincidence that I got my gmail account set up yesterday AND my work computer got all infected with spyware?

First off let me say that gmail rocks. I'm enjoying it (keep in mind I've had it for less than 24 hours at this point) and intend to keep using it despite the numerous cries of outrage I've read on the web about gmail being to "big brother-ish" and all that yak yak.

Second let me say that this is not the first time my autoexec dot nt file has become corrupt/deleted. The one located in the repair folder does absofuckinglutely no good, either. So now I have to go search for a new one. I could ask the kind folks over in our IT department... that is, if I thought they could help. As I said, it's not the first time I've encountered this problem. The last time it happened, I repaired it and then had one of the program analysts call me to find out how I did it.

So now I'm stuck. The only thing (FREE is the key word here) that I've found that fixed it was SpySweeper from WebRoot. But I had the trial version, and it expired and now I can't renew... yipes. I don't want to buy it, especially for a work machine.

In other news, that's all I've got.

Oh yeah - if you want to email me at the gmail account it's zanesfather at gmail dot com.

Thanks for reading.

2005-02-24 - 7:35 a.m.

i've got something to say

Yet another example of what is slowly becoming a series, a la stupidity on the part of drivers.

What's up with all this bumper sticker madness? I'm confused by people who place the same sticker on their car more than once. Yesterday driving home for example, I saw a small pick-up with the ever delightful (not to mention clever):

"I'm not tailgating... I'm Drafting!"

The thing is, he had two of the same fucking sticker, placed in the back window one right above the other. What's up with that? I wanted to ask him if he just thought it was so damn funny that he thought he'd put two of them on his car to get twice the laughs.

These people never fail to live up to the image I have of them in my head. I'll pull up alongside one of them, and without fail it's some redneck with a 2 year old in the back seat (sans seat belt) smoking and listening to some country radio station. (That Martina McBride, she's real purdy ain't she?)

I guess that may just be a function of the city I live in. Or maybe it's the country... I don't know.

Sometimes I try to make sense of it all. Like the "Look twice, save a life. Motorcycles are everywhere" stickers. I have seen these on both the left and right side of the same vehicle before. I imagine the person in the car is just trying to get the message out there for people who are on either side of him. That's nice. Concientious and accomodating. Very refreshing.

As annoying as bumper stickers are, they can also be very informative and allow me to make certain decisions based on what someone wants me to know about them. For example - I know that if I am behind someone with "Peace", and "Love your mother (with a picture of the Earth)", and "Jesus is my co pilot" type stickers - I should just sit back and enjoy the ride. These people tend not to be in any type of hurry and generally need the road to be clear for miles in all directions before they'll make a turn. So I shouldn't be surprised when I have to sit through multiple cycles of the traffic light in order to get home.

Lastly - I'm really glad you love your bichon, or whatever the hell it is, but who really cares but you?

2005-02-22 - 7:49 a.m.

mario bros: revenge of the testosterone

Dear Fucktard from the gym:

This morning I watched as you went to a machine, adjusted it so it would be "ready" for you, and then went to another machine to begin your reps. When you were finished, you went back to your "prepped" machine and began your reps on it... I laughed.

I have to believe that you did this because I inadvertantly (I didn't know!) got on your machine and began my workout. When you came over and asked me what setting it had been on when I got on it, you seemed pissed that I couldn't tell you. Um... let's see here, aren't you supposed to remember that? Maybe you could make a sign that asks the other gym members to mentally note what the current setting is before beginning their workout. That way, when the testosterone floods your brain and you can't remember what setting you prefer, you could just ask.

Or perhaps you could stop being a fucktard and just remember your preferred settings like the rest of us. I certainly don't need someone who looks like one of the Mario Brothers copping a frickin attitude with me at 5:30am because he can't fucking remember his own settings. Sheesh!

2005-02-16 - 8:32 a.m.

open mouth...

In typical "me" fashion, I've gone and put my foot in my mouth again.

We have merged with some other departments here at work, and consequently some of those folks have now moved into our building. There's one lady - "JB" - whom I've met before we merged, been in meetings with before we merged, been to social work functions with before we merged, and well... you get the picture. Each time I'm in a new meeting/event/etc with this woman, she looks at me as if it's the very first time we've ever laid eyes on one another and then proceeds to introduce herself.

In complaining about (and making fun of) her, I was told by one of the "new" people: "Well, you know she had that stroke about a year ago, right?"

Well holy shit no, I didn't know. And now that I've gone and told everyone what a weirdo she is, I just feel bad. It's sorta like the time Amanda said she thought Robert Urich looked "much better with hair" and I had to tell her he had cancer... she didn't know. And neither did I.

But JB: You're still wacko.

In other news, and because I can't wait to get it off my chest: Amanda and I have decided to start trying for bambino number two. It's a rather new decision, but one we're extremely happy about having made. And then after this one, the reproducing stops for us. One more. So we'll see how this goes - I think we're both a bit scared that #2 won't be able to compare to Zane. He's been such a great baby, we think our luck can't possibly hold out. I'm hoping Zane will teach the new one all his tricks, you know - like sleeping through the night beginning at 10 weeks old.

(With our luck - we'll have twins. If that's the case, we will have to sell the house and move into one of our cars to be able to afford anything... and this journal will have to go bye-bye too.)

2005-02-03 - 7:32 a.m.

new law for drivers

I think center consoles in cars and trucks should be outlawed. Or at least rummaging through them should be outlawed while you're driving in rush hour traffic.

Some people always get in the slow line at the bank. Some choose to get behind the woman person in the grocery check-out line who has 8,000 coupons, but can't remember which items they actually purchased. And while I have experienced these things and others too, I have decided that I have a special - perhaps unique - talent:

I always get stuck in traffic behind the woman person who MUST find some item that is hidden in the center console of the car. And she must find it NOW, but can't.

I'm not sure why this bothers me so much. Perhaps it's because I seem to be able to zero in on these people and situate myself directly behind them, just before the search begins.

Yesterday on my way home I stopped short of the back of the line to get in the turn lane so I could allow a woman to get into the lane in front of me. It seemed OK. It seemed innocuous enough. And she even thanked me (small miracle in this city). But as we made our way through the turn signal and arrived at the next light, she began the search. Now - normally I'm a conservative honker. I honk the short, "hey, um - excuse me, I don't mean to get all in your business, but we're moving now" type of honk. But in the past few years, and with the onset of road rage and the killing of puppies so that you can prove you were in the right, I've had to reduce myself to the conservative "nudge" honk, and even then I use it sparingly.

I just wish I had a honk that would say "hey - whatever you're looking for, do it on your own time and remember I'm the one who let you out into traffic when no one else would so it would be nice if you could be on top of things and go when you're supposed to... bitch".

Again - not sure why this particular habit drives me so fucking batty. It's just that it happens to me so freakin often, I can't figure it out.

In other news - I'm off to learn about Crystal Reports today. Not really sure if I even need to learn about it but it looks like such a great program, and the opportunity presented itself (for me to be out of my office for two whole days) and so I thought I'd do it.

Zane, meanwhile, has begun to practice using the word "no". It's really cute sometimes, like when Amanda tries to sing him a song - and just as she begins, he says, "no!". And not so cute at other times, like when he says it to me.

He's not defiant. He's not refusing to do anything. Just practicing. But he's so fucking cute I don't really care when he says it, right now. He's a good kid, with a great sense of humor. Sometimes when he says no (as in "Zane - do you have poop?"), he cocks his head down and says the single syllable in a long, drawn out manner, and smirks. He knows he's a non-truth teller at these times, but he finds it funny.

Another thought on Zane. Amanda and I both know he's smart. Maybe he's smarter than your average bear. And almost every day I pick him up at the daycare, they tell me he's smart. But it has occurred to me in the past few days that the "compliment" may not mean as much coming from someone who looks like they're a paycheck away from returning to their life on the streets.

It's still nice to hear it though.

2005-01-14 - 7:50 a.m.

oh no, u2?

Alright - let's talk about something other than how much it sucks that my mother had another heart attack and was rushed in the middle of the night to the ER - complications from radiation therapy. Because it really sucks.

It occurred to me yesterday that I may be the only soul in the universe who can't stand U2. The talk of the new mini iPod shuffle has stirred up more talk of the wretched Irishmen. While the Joshua Tree album has its good points, for the most part I just do not see the draw of the band. If I see the fucking vertigo commercial one more time, or hear about the "newest" iPod cover or other customization available pimping U2 one more time I think I'll go crazy.

It's important not to get my anger and dislike of U2 mixed up with how I feel about the iPod. God bless 'em - and if they feel the need to use that band to sell even more of the product, so be it. I don't own an iPod, but I wouldn't mind having one. I just don't want anything to do with U2.

The other thing: Prince Harry. Leave the poor (rich) kid alone. It was only a fucking costume. He's not out there promoting the killing of Jews or anything, just having some "I got caught doing drugs already, so isn't this really a step up?" fun at a costume party. On NPR yesterday, I heard that as many as half the people in his own fucking country hadn't even heard of auschwitz. So WTF are they so upset about? Go brush your teeth, people.

previous - next

duh - 2008-09-15

hi mac - 2006-12-12

corporate whore - 2006-11-03

new - 2006-10-05

elvis costello sings for you - 2006-09-27

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