I have been haunted by terrifying dreams lately. I think it must have something to do with being stressed.

Last night's dream was a doozie. I dreamed that my father died. In the dream we were just sitting around waiting for him to die. He wasn't sick, or in an accident or anything. It was sort of like those movies about the future (or the Alaskan "tradition" of putting your loved one on an ice float and sending them off to sea) where once you reach a certain milestone, you die. Very Twilight Zone, or Outer Limits. Just as "the time" was approaching, he got up to come and hug me goodbye... and just before he got to me he collapsed and died.

I woke up terrified that it had somehow been real. When I got to work I had to call and make sure it had been a dream.

I know that sounds childish, but I seem to have very vivid and memorable dreams. My dream life has always been astoundingly active. I always figured it was just my own form of escape, or a way for me to rationalize or try to sort out events in my life. It made sense at the time. I was also a sleepwalker. I would walk around "looking" for something, only we could never figure out what it was. I would yell at my parents, "Dammit! I know you have it. What have you done with it?!" And they would calmly ask me to go back to bed. My other favorite thing to do was to go turn on every switch in the house. If it had a switch, and there was power running to it... I would turn it on.

If you want to get REAL Freudian, for a very long period of my life every dream I had included:

1. water

2. women

3. horses

These items could be in any combination or any setting. Sometimes a dream would only be about the ocean. Sometimes it included a horse galloping along the shore. And when I was really lucky, there was a woman riding the horse.

Funny thing is, I never used to dream about my family.

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hi mac - 2006-12-12

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elvis costello sings for you - 2006-09-27

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