Amanda and I had a talk last night about friends and life and how things are going to change for us in the upcoming months, and well - for the rest of our lives. Some interesting (to me)things surfaced as a result. First - and probably most obvious - is that our lives are going to be different from here on out. Different isn't bad, but it is different. I was just getting used to the way things are now, and here they go changing again. It's a fear of failure thing - for both of us. I wonder if the parents of Springer guests feel like they failed in some way. That would about do it for me. I also know that I'll have about 10 to 15 years of having a child that loves me, and then they'll think I'm an asshole and probably tell me about it. That scares me.

We also talked about our friends and how things will change with them. For the most part, our immediate circle will be OK with things. But there are people we've known who, when they found out we wanted children, said, "Well, I guess that'll be the end of our friendship. We don't want kids and we don't like them. And people with kids hang out with other people who have them." It amazes me - and that was about the time that I started thinking what fucking weirdos those two were. We fell out of contact soon after that.

Then there are those people who are awesome people, and who I would really like to be influences on my children. The odd thing is, most of them live far away. My brother & my parents, but they are at least within driving distance. And we have friends who live on the other side of the country - they'll be that illusive "aunt and uncle", the ones who are supercool, but the kids never get to see them.

It's just occurred to me that this is a strange entry for me. It's odd for me to be writing about these things. But suddenly, things like this have great importance to me. Amanda has some of the same fears, but hers are mostly centered around her not being a good enough mother. I have no worries about that - she'll be fantastic. And I'm pretty sure I'll be good too. It's the craziness that surrounds us that I'm worried about. I don't mean that in the "how-can-I-bring-a child-into-this-world" sort of way either. It's just fascinating to see what influences people and how they turn around and use that influence.

I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this, I guess it's just an oddity I noticed - some type of response I'm caught up in now that I know I've made a life. I've also noticed how very unimportant a lot of things have become. People cutting me off in traffic, some asshole in my office yelling about how I didn't do something right, etc. It's taken a back seat. My wife and what we're doing are the focus for now. I guess that's really how it always should be - it's too bad I couldn't have thought about that earlier. Now if I could just learn to relax.....

previous - next

duh - 2008-09-15

hi mac - 2006-12-12

corporate whore - 2006-11-03

new - 2006-10-05

elvis costello sings for you - 2006-09-27

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