Yesterday was interesting. I found out that women's doctors are very different from men's. What a great table you lucky women get to lie down on!! All kinds of neat hidden things (stirrups!!) it's almost like a Bond movie - gadgets everywhere. And very pink. And pictures of breasts and vaginas. And everyone so happy. It was like a different universe.

Amanda told me that she had to give a sample each time she went to see this doctor. I inquired about it, since I hadn't seen her have the opportunity to give a sample yet. She said it was in the bathroom - and there was a window and when she was finished, she put the cup in the window and someone came and retrieved it. COOL! She talked me out of going in and giving my own sample. I thought it might be fun - see what they might be able to decipher about me. I tried to think of names to write on the cup, but then I reallized the whole thing wouldn't work. There's a window in there? Sorry, but the plumbing doesn't work with someone watching.

That reminds me of when I started work at my current job. They have mandatory drug screenings for everyone, as well as random testing after you've become an employee. I went to the clinic, got called into the bathroom, and this huge guy stood next to the toilet, in front of me and said, "Go ahead."

I said, "Go ahead and what?"

He said, "Go ahead and give us your sample."

I had to tell him he was a nice guy and all, but that it just wasn't going to work out. I explained to him the shy-bladder syndrome, or SBS, that I suffer from but he wasn't having any of it. He looked at me like I was an alien. He couldn't wrap his mind around the concept.

Then he says, "Go out and drink as much water as you can and then when you think you're about to burst, come back and give your sample."

I said, "Nope. Not gonna work. My bladder will explode before it will allow me to urinate in front of you. I can't even pee if the guy next to me at the urinals talks to me, let alone do it with you intentionally watching."

I told them they'd have to call my potential employer and request permission to do a blood test. We finally resolved the whole issue when they had me strip (they let me leave my socks on, whew!!), gave me a gown and let me into the bathroom ALONE. I am just a skinny little white boy trying to make a living - I'm not into the crank or meth. Let me piss in peace and let's get on with our lives.

Alright - let's all get on with our days...

previous - next

duh - 2008-09-15

hi mac - 2006-12-12

corporate whore - 2006-11-03

new - 2006-10-05

elvis costello sings for you - 2006-09-27

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