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2003-09-24 - 7:44 a.m.

just an update

I guess it's been a while since I've put any thoughts here. Life requires so much time.

It's been a great couple of weeks now. Zane is much easier to take care of - for me at least. I'm getting to know his needs and anticipate most of them. I'm also getting past the embarassed feeling I have when talking to him. It used to seem so futile to speak to this creature who had no idea who I was, what was going on; and who really didn't care, so long as he was getting fed and changed and loved.

But I've begun to notice the little look of recognition and relief on his face when he sees me. Sometimes he just hears my voice and he becomes so alert. I walk into the daycare and say his name and he begins to search the limited field of vision he has. He'll find and focus on my face and he coos and smiles and now flails his arms. He's excited to see me.

He's DEFINITELY his own person. I always had it in my head that babies/children gave looks, for example, that were "just like his dad/mom" all the time. I don't know why it's surprised me so much that he has a whole set of his very own, personalized looks. It's nothing short of incredible to me. He has this one where he's trying to make sound and he opens his mouth wide - like a mini-yawn - and a little squeak of sound barely escapes. He always looks surprised when that happens. Then he smiles and moves all around like he's very proud of his accomplishment.

One of his greatest tricks, however, is his ability to spit up volumes right after feeding. And to completely avoid hitting the burp cloth with even a drop. We have friends in town and last night we went out to dinner. Amanda and I were passing Zane back and forth in an effort to both get a chance to eat and to hold him. During one of Amanda's turns, he spit up what we thought was only a little bit. Until Amanda felt something warm and wet dripping from her bra. She moved the burp cloth and saw a huge wet spot on her shirt and announced that it was seeping through. I thought it was funny - but only because it wasn't me. She handled it very well and used the bathroom's hand dryer to rid herself of the spot.

That's my little miracle.

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