2004-02-20 - 7:45 a.m.
what was that?
Mom has her surgery today - please keep a good thought for her.
No big epiphanies or anything, just wondering about the value of things. It's times like these that I find myself doing a bit of soul-searching. I'm not good at that.
����� I'm uncomfortable with it.
I'd rather pretend everything is just fine. And at this point in my life, it's not pretend anymore. Everything is fine, and it's that way
�����because I want it to be that way.
True - it's a mirage I've created, broken only when the cool calm of my wife sits with me. I can't pretend with her. She knows the truth of things.
There's too much ugly in the world. I constantly find myself questioning people who feel the need to shove more of it into existence. It's a bit of what I said in you. Even with all the "things", the trappings, the stuff - some people just cannot refuse to be happy.
I don't want to be 55 and unhappy. I don't want to be stuck in my ways. I don't want to continue on in the world blindly, avoiding the new and different, simply because I'm afraid of change. I don't want to have the condescending attitude that age brings so easily to others.
The mirage for me is not about lies or refusal to see and accept the truth. It's more about what's possible.
So now that I've rambled rather incoherently I see it's time for me to end.
"...saying i love you has nothing to do with meaning it."
duh - 2008-09-15
hi mac - 2006-12-12
corporate whore - 2006-11-03
new - 2006-10-05
elvis costello sings for you - 2006-09-27
What I Read(for fun and amusement)
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