I think I'm just in a bad place right now. Sinus frustration. Blood. Snot. Headachy feeling... yes it's a word, I know because I just used it.

I got home last night with Zane and started thinking about things. As I was trying to prepare dinner, Zane would walk himself (in his walker) over to the oven and pull the dish towel off the oven door. I let him do it, watched him as it fell to the floor and he lost interest and walked away. I re-hung the towel. He walked back to the oven and pulled the towel down again. This is the part where I started thinking: there are basically two ways to handle this situation:

1. I could tell him "no" and hang it up again, only to get more frustrated the next time he decided to go pull it down.

2. I could place the towel somewhere else if I didn't think it was OK for him to pull it down, or wanted to avoid having to pick it up repeatedly.

So I chose neither of these. I chose instead to continuously re-hang the towel and actually allow him to yank it down again and again and again. It was obviously intriguing to him. He was fascinated by it. Each time he removed the towel, he did it just a bit differently. He would do it slowly, watching as the towel lost its grip on the oven handle. He would do it quickly, and then drop it to the floor - peering over the edge of the walker to see where it landed.

I won't pretend to know what he was actually doing or what thoughts were going through his head. The fact was: it interested him and was doing absolutely no harm whatsoever.

The problem here is this: I actually know people who would consider this "bad behavior". Amanda and I have told him "no" in regard to this action in the past. That is meaningless. He has no concept of "no" as it pertains to a certain action from one day to the next at this point in his development. Most of what I have read lately says that he is making the connection of what "no" means, but that it holds no value for the same action a day later. That makes sense to me. So it would seem to require a bit of patience from a parent. If I were to fly off the handle and become frustrated and complain that "I've told him 'no' and he knows better" I would just be showing my ignorance - and being a bad parent.

This line of thinking is not new to me. I was told by our administrative assistant, when Zane was less than 2 months old, that he "had me trained already" because I would go get him when he cried. Are you certain that a 2 month old actually has mastered the art of manipulation? That's crap.

Someone else told me once that he was pulling his shirt down over his stomach (at 6 months old) because he was trying to let me know he was cold. Also crap. At 6 months old he would simply cry if he was too cold. Or hungry. Or tired. Or wet. Or frustrated. Or... well, you get the picture. He didn't know he was pulling his shirt down. He knew he had grabbed something. That's all. Something in his hands... Believe it or not, the thought process of "I'm cold. My shirt is up. If I pull it down, my tummy will be warmer." is a very complex thought process. The fact that a two year old can have that thought process does not simplify the process itself, it just means that the two year old has "learned", put the pieces together, made the connection that a 6 month old does not yet have the ability to make.

So no wonder so many people get frustrated with babies and children. To them, babies appear to be born with the ability to manipulate situations cognitively and know exactly how the world around them functions and what the "rules" for behavior are. Doesn't anyone remember when they were a kid? How, at the age of five, you got so frustrated because you couldn't have a piece of gum, or a toy or something? Doesn't anyone remember how "unfair" things seemed? Well, try not having four and a half years worth of "learning", not to mention the gift of verbal communication, and all of a sudden things must seem INCREDIBLY alien and unfair and confusing.

Try letting the child learn. Heck - try letting the child be a child for christ's sake. The world is soon enough going to grab hold of that little life you helped create and impose its rules on him. Try not being the one to introduce that concept too soon.

previous - next

duh - 2008-09-15

hi mac - 2006-12-12

corporate whore - 2006-11-03

new - 2006-10-05

elvis costello sings for you - 2006-09-27

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